Courtesy of youtube.com

*The following conversation took place between me and myself on April 20’th at 4:20am. We were sitting on a couch eating Cheetos and watching paid programming on Comedy Central in between bouts of Madden.*

Me: Hey, how many of these Magic Garden Hoses do you think they sell in a night?

Alter-Ego: I dunno. Seventy, maybe?

Me: Seventy? At $10 a pop, that’s only $700. No way they make their money back on $700.

Alter-Ego: Ok, so maybe, like, seventy-hundred?

Me: Seventy hundred isn’t a number. It’s seven thousand. Sometimes, I wonder how you and I occupy the same brain space.

Alter-Ego: Most of the time, when I listen to you talk, I wonder why your such a dick.

Me: Regardless, seven thousand at $10 each is $70,000. A worthwhile investment, but probably a little aggressive.

Alter-Ego: So what, split the difference?

Me: Sounds about right. But at the same time, it still sounds like it might be a bit high, no?

Alter-Ego: Have I ever told you that sometimes you’re boring as fuck?

Me: You don’t have to; I know.

Alter-Ego: Why are you even making this a point of discussion?

Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m just thinking a lot about, like, being an entity, business, creative – whatever your craft is.

Alter-Ego: What about it?

Me: Like, it’s just hard finding an audience.

Alter-Ego: You’re talking about your writing, aren’t you?

Me: I’m talking about anybody that’s started their own business or creative enterprise. And yeah, in my case, that would be writing.

Alter-Ego: Not selling any copies?

Me: Hardly. And what’s more is that I can’t even get that many people to check out my blog. Like, that doesn’t even cost people anything. You can literally read that at any point during your day. I mean, people read dozens of articles in a day when they’re supposed to be working, and it’s like, mine can’t be one of them?

Alter-Ego: So if they sell 3,500 Magic Hoses in a night, how many visitors do you get on your blog in a day?

Me: Significantly less.

Alter-Ego: How much less?

Me: A lot.

Alter-Ego: Like fifty less a lot?

Me: Now you’re being a dick.

Alter-Ego: So like 3,500 less?

Me: (silence)

Alter-Ego: Well, look man, you shouldn’t feel bad. I mean, you write articles about stupid shit like video games and the time you got pissed off at the Microsoft rep. It’s not like you’re a hose or anything.

Me: That’s exactly my point. If I can’t compete with a fucking hose, what can I compete with?

Alter-Ego: I dunno. Other writers that blog about stupid shit?

Me: It’s just, sometimes I wonder what the point of writing is if no one’s going to read it? It’s like the writers version of the tree falling in the woods.

Alter-Ego: Well, what about cats?

Me: What about cats?

Alter-Ego: Everyone loves cats. I love cats. You should do something with cats.

Me: I don’t even like cats.

Alter-Ego: Yeah, but other people do. That’s kinda the point, right?

Me: I guess. I mean, I don’t know. I think part of being an artist is being true to yourself, and not just going the popular or commercial route because that’s what people want. Maybe people want something different, and they just don’t know it yet because they haven’t been exposed to it?

Alter-Ego: If that’s the case, than your blog should be doing swimmingly, shouldn’t it?

Me: (silence)

Alter-Ego: (silence)

Me: Cats, huh?

Alter-Ego: Yep. Cats.

Kitty’s are so cute!!! OMG, like ,so totes adorbs!!!

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